i used to think life was a tragedy—now i know that its a comedy

reclaiming the nature of the halcyon

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the story of the halcyon

i used to say that at an exorcism i would be the halcyon (a bringer of peace)

and that the essential quality of the halcyon (differentiated from the exorcist) is that the halcyon is not opposed to the evil

the halcyon is there to comfort the possessed

and is free to do so because the halcyon (unlike the exorcist) is not under attack by the demon (because the halcyon is not opposed to the demon)

in fact the halcyon can comfort the possessed in a way the exorcist cannot

the exorcist battles the demon

the halcyon battles no one

because of this the halcyon is always at peace

the price of this is the halcyon can never oppose evil (in any way—even mentally—even in their heart of hearts)

the exorcist has a job to do (that is with respect to good and evil)

the halcyon has no job to do (that is with respect to good and evil)

this is the story of the halcyon—i made up this exorcism role and wrote about it in one of my novels

how this is relevant today

this became relevant to me the last week

as i realized that a lesson it had taken me the last two years to learn

was essentially the lesson of the halcyon

the lesson for me was that i can never try to stop someone else from doing something (even if i think that thing is evil)

i had forgotten that lesson somewhere in the decade since i wrote about the halcyon

when i learned it this time

i remembered the halcyon

this mythical exorcism attendee

who i aspire to be

who does not oppose evil

because my job is not to cast it out

but to sit beside the possessed

and keep them company

through their ordeal

so i reclaim this role (in my life)

i am the halcyon

im not here to muddle with good and evil (or to align myself with those who do)

i myself am not good or evil (i dont believe in or think about such things)

im not on the side of good or evil

i am a creature with powerful mechanisms for peace and i bring comfort to those in turmoil in this place

i dont know whats going on here with good and evil (and i dont care and will never know)

thats how i can interact with matters of good and evil (not at all)

and thats so i can reliably bring peace to one who is lying there suffering

(thats the only person in the room i care about)

reclaiming this mythical role in my life has set me right again (in that way of knowing myself)

it clarifies my position and this role feels right and good for me


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