what if when i said (i cant shop there anymore—i dont like listening to the racist talk) i said it with no emotion
what if when i thought about my pain i just thought about it (no judgement)
what if it was just there—not going away—not getting better—but just there—what if it was just the pain in my arms
what if my shoulder movement was just there (not the result of anything—just there)
what if my neighbors were just there—not stupid—not annoying—but just there
what if everything i think (with emotion) was just there—without my inflection—without my threats—without further knowledge
what if i was a robot
executing my process
what if everything i was going to say (with inflection) i say instead without
neutral with respect to emotion
but solid in my resolve
i cant borrow anymore money
i wont return to such-and-such business
why ?? because it goes against my policy
i dont owe people money
i dont listen to racist talk while im doing business (simple as that) i dont listen to racism at breakfast (simple as that)
i dont negotiate with my pain—i accept it—it is just there
in the same way i dont negotiate with painful circumstances (they are just there)
i dont have to complain about it—but i can still have a (logistical) reaction to it
but the thing doesnt have to move me !! (just because i accept it—just because i reject it)
i can change my logistics without changing my state
what if everything was no big deal ??
what if a death was no big deal ??
what if this crumb on the floor was no big deal ??
how would i interact with it then ??
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