what if when i said (i cant shop there anymore—i dont like listening to the racist talk) i said it with no emotion

what if when i thought about my pain i just thought about it (no judgement)

(no apology)

(no defense)

(no explanation)

what if it was just there—not going away—not getting better—but just there—what if it was just the pain in my arms

what if my shoulder movement was just there (not the result of anything—just there)

what if my neighbors were just there—not stupid—not annoying—but just there

what if everything i think (with emotion) was just there—without my inflection—without my threats—without further knowledge

what if i was a robot

executing my process

what if everything i was going to say (with inflection) i say instead without

neutral with respect to emotion

but solid in my resolve

i cant borrow anymore money

i wont return to such-and-such business

why ?? because it goes against my policy

i dont owe people money

i dont listen to racist talk while im doing business (simple as that) i dont listen to racism at breakfast (simple as that)

i dont negotiate with my pain—i accept it—it is just there

in the same way i dont negotiate with painful circumstances (they are just there)

i dont have to complain about it—but i can still have a (logistical) reaction to it

but the thing doesnt have to move me !! (just because i accept it—just because i reject it)

i can change my logistics without changing my state

what if everything was no big deal ??

what if a death was no big deal ??

what if this crumb on the floor was no big deal ??

how would i interact with it then ??